How to Cope with Death

Photo by Hamed_Masoumi

This past weekend was a particularly sad one for my sister. One of her closest friends tragically died at the very young age of 21. While losing someone at any age is unfortunate, when they are as young as he was, you can’t help but think it was a mistake and ask yourself why something so awful could have happened to someone that brought so much joy into people’s lives.

When death occurs it is as if time stands still. We can’t focus on anything but our sadness, we can’t function as we normally would, and we can’t seem to grasp how life will go on without this very special person. Reminding yourself that things will get better while remembering the wonderful times you had together can be extremely difficult, but necessary in order to fully heal from this devastating loss.

♥ Allow yourself to grieve. What has happened is incredibly tragic, and you can’t deny yourself the natural emotions that come along with it. Everyone is affected by death in different ways. Someone else in the same situation could react completely different from you. If you feel the need to cry, cry. If you feel the need to scream, scream. If all you want to do is run for four miles until you fall over in exhaustion, do it, so long as you don’t hurt yourself. Let those emotions flow freely and unrestricted.

♥ Talk to people. In times of extreme sadness, you need to talk to friends or family more than ever. You have so many thoughts and emotions running through your brain during this time. Let everything off your chest. Don’t be afraid to share stories of the good times you had together. Sharing these things with others will help them better realize what they can do to help you in the healing process.

♥ Surround yourself with people who love and care about you. When someone you love passes, it is easy to get locked into the feeling of extreme loneliness. Having another person in the room can help fill that void, and reassure you that things are going to be ok. Even if you are in no mood to talk, the company of another person in your life will lesson the feelings of sadness and emptiness.

♥ Hug. Hug as much as you can. Hug as long as you can. Sometimes the only way that you can feel any sort of comfort is by being held in the arms of someone you care about and who understands what you are going through.

♥ Say goodbye. This one is especially important, and every single person will do it in their own way. Some will do it at the funeral, and others may not even attend the funeral, and do something completely different to let this person know how much they were loved. Write a little poem, put together a speech, or plant a tree in their honor. It is very important that in your own way you let them know how much having them in your life meant to you.

♥ If you need your privacy take it. If you don’t feel like talking or seeing anyone, take a day or more to yourself. If you aren’t ready to openly share your emotions yet, take the time alone and think about what has happened. Let others know that you appreciate their concern and support, but you need a small amount of time to reflect upon what has happened before they can help you. You will be surprised at how many people jump in at times like this and offer their support.

♥ Do not blame yourself. In certain situations it can be very easy to think that you could have done or said something differently to prevent this tragedy. Accidents of all sorts occur every single day, and while most are not as heart wrenching as an accidental death, there is no way to prepare for one, or predict death as an outcome.

♥ Make a journal or scrap book dedicated to this person. Write everything that comes to mind about them. Write how much you loved them, write about the time you went to the zoo together, write about your late night philosophical conversations, and write about how you met for the first time. Over time fill the book with all the wonderful memories the two of you shared together. Collect pictures you took together and paste them between the pages. Every time you have a new thought, write it down. Leave the book out, so that whenever you feel you really miss the person, you can go reread it, ad to it, and remember what joy they brought into your life.

♥ Take care of yourself. In times of extreme sadness and pain it is easy to forget about ourselves, and go on without taking proper care of our bodies. Making sure that you get enough food and sleep every day is vital in helping your body and mind feel better. As hard as it may be to stomach even a few bites of food, it is so important that you do. Order take out, prepare easy to cook frozen meals, or have friends drop by with food, so the stress of finding something to eat is not what is keeping you from eating. If sleeping at night is difficult take afternoon naps. Lay with your eyes shut, and try as hard as you can to clear your mind. Eventually your body will respond.

♥ Do not rely on drugs or alcohol to help you through tough times. As hard as it is dealing with the death of a loved one, self medicating ourselves to relieve the pain is not the answer. Not only is it bad on our bodies, but it pushes the feelings back, when we really need to be facing them head on. Once you come to your senses again, you will still have to deal with the pain and loneliness that losing someone brings.

♥ Realize that not everyone fully understands what you are going through. Find those people that you can talk to openly about what has happened, but don’t hold it against those who don’t know how to comfort you. It may seem as though someone doesn’t care, or that they view this as insignificant because of their reactions. Don’t hold it against them, not everyone has had such a significant loss, and many people just don’t know how to help someone in this situation.

♥ If over a great length of time you are still unable to function, and can not seem to get back into your normal routine, it is best to seek professional help.

Every single person handles death in a different way. Doing what feels right to you, while continuing to take good care of yourself is the most important thing. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask others for their help or their company. The healing process takes time, but each and every one of us have the strength to get through it. Feel proud to have known such a very important person, you have a head full of wonderful memories, which now one else has, treasure them fondly.

xoxo,
Cedar

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